The Little Things

"Right hand drawing left hand, drawn with right hand" ink & pencil, 5x7, copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

I started wearing nail polish in the 7th grade. A woman on our street worked for a cosmetic company and gave me dozens of sample bottles. I loved it - another dimension in painting. And I loved the color sparkling at the tips of my fingers. It was not allowed at school so it was my weekend decoration only.

From High School on I was never without nail polish. I had long strong nails and loved the color accent. Most people who knew me had never seen me without it. It was my signature.

About 7 years ago I started noticing problems with my nails... Splitting, cracking, ridges, white spots, and the top layer appeared to be peeling off.  My dermatologist diagnosed psoriasis (along with patches on my face and arms) and said there was no cure. Oh - and to stop wearing polish. Two weeks layer my husband proposed and everyone I knew was checking out my ring - and my un-manicured hands.

Flash forward... A year after sticking strictly to my gluten-free diet my nails are all the same length, no spots, no ridges, no cracking, peeling or splitting… As strong as they used to be. (and my skin is clear)  I did my nails last night for the first time in years and I feel like that little girl again with color dancing at the tips of my fingers.

Sometimes, it’s the little things…

Facing Challenges

watercolor on paper, 8x10, copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

Recently a friend asked if I would do a portrait of the beloved family dog that they had while she was growing up, as an anniversary gift for her parents. I love her - and her parents - so agreed immediatetly.

Then, I got the photo of the dog. Yikes. Just one reference photo, an all black dog in shadow! With obviously no chance of seeing the dog myself. It was way more than I bargained for --- and was not at all sure how to proceed.

First, I avoided. Then panicked. Then avoided again. Then dipped my toes in by doing the initial sketches and congratulated myself on progress. Yeah right. The drawing was the easy part and I knew it. I also knew come hell or high water I was going to complete this painting. I can be very stubborn.

So I did some research on painting black fur, and looked at dozens and dozens of photos of black dogs, and truly examined the photo I was given.

And inch by inch I made progress. At times difficult, other times fun, frustrating, informative, experimental, but it pushed me to try. And to try. And by trying I learned and I grew and found I could do it - and succeed.

So like my challenge of going, and staying, safely gluten free. Easy enough to agree to, but a huge learning curve... avoidance, research reseach and more research, days of discouragment and accomplishment, days I saw my health improving rapidly, along with those of backsliding. And I continued and pushed and grew... And along the way became a baker, a blogger, a supporter, a resource, an advocate, and a painter of black fur! (and let's not forget - healthy!)

My friend loved the painting, and during our visit we discussed celiac disease and it's many manifestations. She had many questions for me, and was calling her doctor the next day to get tested. On the drive home I realized these challenges really did go hand in hand.

Dry Eyes

"Close Enough - Tiger" ink on paper, copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

Last week I went for my yearly eye check; to get my perscription tweaked and order new lenses. My Doctor commented immediately that my eyes didn't seem nearly as dry as past visits. I wear gas permemable (hard) lenses.
Last year he gave me a prescription to help my tear ducts produce more tears as the situtation was getting worse and worse and I was having trouble wetting my lenses. It was right about the time I went gluten-free. On a lark I googled dry eyes and auto-immune conditions. And what do you know? Sjorgens described me to a tee.

I put the presription aside and rolled the dice... I was betting the removal of gluten was going to improve the situatuon. Guess what?

After telling him I chose not to take the meds he asked if I was doing anything diffferent. "I went gluten-free... Celiac is an auto immume disease and so is sjorgens". Doc said keep it up - will be interesting to see if it continues to improve.

Yes it will. The changes and improvements keep coming and keep surprising me.

Did van Gogh have Celiac Disease?

"Starry Night" after Vincent van Gogh, fabric paint on onsie

by Erin Rogers Pickering for Ava when she was a baby

My random thought of the day...

I often think about van Gogh, he is one of my favorite painters and I have always been disturbed by the version of him I learned back in school - that he was crazy. After visiting France in 2000 and seeing where he lived in Auvers, I felt that history had done him an injustice. There have been so many theories on what tortured van Gogh and drove him to suicide, and many have not been kind. He shot himself in a wheat field. Hmmm... a wheat field.

What we know is that Vincent van Gogh was a genius; his art is unparalleled. We know he was gaunt, depressed, behaved erratically, was thought to be bipolar, complained of gastrointestinal problems, dental problems, headaches, tired/dry eyes, and fatigue. And - that he shot himself in a wheat field.

What if he wasn't a starving artist, but suffering from malabsorption? What if a gluten free diet could have saved him - and allowed his genius to continue?

What is your life's work? Your genius? What is stopping you from living fully and living gluten-free?

The Blue Balloon - My Ah-Ha Moment

          "the blue balloon" ink and watercolor on paper, copyright erin rogers pickering

On April 17th 2008 our very-verbal-just-turned 2 yr old was playing with her stuffed animals, dolls and some remaining birthday balloons. All were at a tea party and were assigned a name or personality. She was going through the group affecting different voices when she got to the blue balloon, picked it up and said "I Mommy, I tired! I need to rest." all in a very exaggerated drawn out yawning voice.

That was my ah-ha moment! She was replaying what she had heard over and over. I knew in my heart of hearts that gluten was the culprit and going mostly gluten-free was a cop-out.
By the time my husband got home an hour later I was committed to going strictly gf. He asked if I was prepared with food and information? Nope, not really. Didn't matter - it was now or never. I would learn as I go. I had to do this for my daughter, for me, for my husband, for my life.
I made that committment to myself and my family exactly one year ago never imaging how great I would feel again. I have watched so many ailments drop away or improve, the most significant being migraines, bone pain and exteme fatigue. Those three alone have been more than worth the effort.

I have many thanks to give... to all the celiacs out there that told their story online and shared information on sites like Celiac.com, to Scott Adams for starting Celiac.com, to Shauna James Ahern for writing "Gluten Free Girl", for Bette Hagman for blazing a trail, to all the gf bloggers, for all the food manufacturers that make gf food in dedicated facilities, and all those that produce strictly gluten-free food.  Their help was and is immeasurable.

And, a special thanks to my beautiful daughter with her amazing ablilty to mimic and to my wonderfully supportive husband. I couldn't have done it without them.

What if?

Fantasy Crocuses, watercolor and ink on paper, copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

What if crocuses bloomed in a rainbow of pastels? Would the first flowers of spring spoil us? Too much too soon? Perhaps we would lose the appreciation for those first bursts of golden yellow set against the greys and almost colorless browns of the tail end of winter. Knowing that the lavendars and deep purples are just days away. And finding the delicacy of the scattered white crocuses. They appear so delicate yet they are damn strong to break through and bloom before winter is finished with us.

Sometimes I get caught up in the what ifs... What if my celiac was diagnosed 20 yrs ago? What if I didn't have celiac disease? Where would I be? What could I have accomplished? Not always the most productive way to spend my time. But, the positive side of this line of thinking is it surfaces what's important... where I really want to spend my time, and the appreciation that I do know now. It is pretty easy to follow food restrictions when you can see how bad it was and how good its become. And I can see it not as a struggle or loss - but a gain.

Through my art I can create a garden in whatever colors I imagine without losing an appreciation for the reality. Through my celiac experience I can create a life of good health, vitality and gratefulness and learn from where I have been.

My personal statement

Pears flour sack towel from my watercolor painting,
copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

Recently I joined a celiac forum and I was prompted, while creating my profile, for my personal statement. My first thought was I didn't have one. Then I realized something I have been telling myself for most of the last year, as a whole new world of good health and happiness opened up to me.

"I am gluten free, therefore I can..."

Wow. "I can" Those are powerful words!

I am gluten free therefore I can...
Live without migraines
Eat chocolate
Drink red wine
Be without bone pain
Keep up with my daughter
Face the day with a smile
Go barefoot
Wear heels
Bake – I CAN bake
Bake bread, muffins, cookies, cupcakes that are tasty to everyone
Run again
Paint, Draw, Create
See possibility
Think clearly
Feel joy
Feel healthy
Be energetic

This list could go on and on. Because when I went gluten free I truly hit the jackpot!



Click here for my FREE printable Gluten Free Blessing

Running

                              "Running" ink on paper, from my sketchbook, copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

I ran regularly for over 15 yrs. I usually ended a run by icing my knees, and often taking a nap. One 6k race I collapsed at the finish line. People asked why I ran. My answer was always the same… "because I can".

I couldn't describe the high... The release, the freedom, the joy, the order it created in my thoughts, finding resolutions, or making peace with what couldn't change. Being grounded, alive, refreshed. It was my moving meditation even as it became more and more difficult to do.

Until Sunday it had been over 4 years since I went for a run. Broken ankle, torn calf, surgery, back problems, sciatica, foot pain, joint pain, bone pain and constant fatigue made it seem like running would forever be the thing I used to do. I didn't realize until recently how much gluten consumption was destroying my ability to run.

Until Sunday. We went as a family to the cross-country path at the high school.  And I ran. It never felt so good. I didn't go very far but I learned a long time ago that the tortoise always gets to the finish line. It is the beginning again.  And I am still on a high from that run.

I run because I am healthy
I run because I am gluten free.
I run because I can!