Tapioca - friend or foe?

I may not be a doctor, or scientist or medical expert, but what I am is an expert in my own body and what works and what doesn't.

About a year ago it became apparent that I was eating something that I was reacting to - it was interfering with proper digestion and stripping me of vitamins and minerals (again) and reducing the effectiveness of my thyroid medication.

So I started experimenting with food elimination (I should write a book "Everything I learned I have learned from Elimination Diets") and started to pare down what I was eating in 1 week blocks.  By eating only super safe food within a controlled amount of time, I could introduce possible culprits, and gauge the reactions or lack thereof.  After a year of experimenting and eliminating and re-introducing - I found tapioca, and quinoa (a story for another day) were creating problems for me.

Ah, tapioca... in SO many gluten-free baked goods and flour mixes. So many lovely breads - that my family still enjoys, that I have learned to do without.
Which quite honestly, is fine by me - I prefer to feel good over All Else. Yes, I rather feel good than eat the cupcake!

Luckily I found the The Practical Paleo cookbook and PaleOMG and the amazing muffins and cakes that can be made without flours - and without tapioca!

It just makes me wonder how many celiacs and gluten-free intolerants who are still having issues, would improve with the removal of tapioca?
Is tapioca or your friend or foe?

Field of dreams

"French Cottage" acrylic on canvas, private collection, copyright Erin Rogers Pickering 

The movie was on TV the other night, and I watched it for the umpteenth time. It’s in my top 10, possibly top 5. I love the message.... Follow your dream, listen to the voice, stick with what has meaning to you even if others don't understand or think you are a little crazy.

Not only did Ray Kinsella create something magical that drew people to it and that had meaning to many others, but it gave him the opportunity to reconnect with his father whom he had lost years before. I love this movie but I can't watch it without crying.

I was drawn to create this blog (forgive the pun) and it struck me while watching the movie that by documenting my gluten-free journey I feel closer to my mother whom we lost 26 yrs ago. Telling my story has brought about a deep personal journey which sometimes becomes too intense for me. Explains my sporadic writing. Also explains why so many of my own postings make me cry.

I believe in my heart of hearts that my mother had celiac disease, which set the stage for stomach cancer.  This blog is an ongoing dedication to my mom who may have had a different fate had she known about celiac disease when she was young.  And dedicated to my own health & future that I am building one gluten-free day at a time.

I am building it - and SHE has come.

My Mother's Day Wish

  "Door to Granny's Cottage" acrylic on canvas, 5x7, copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

When I was a child both of my Grandmother's had cottages in beach communities. I absolutely loved visiting them. I adored the freedom of the indoor and outdoor blending together... Early morning walks, evenings on the porch or in the yard, kids free to roam, screen door banging as we ran in and out. I was inspired by those memories to create this painting, and enjoyed the thoughts of my grandmothers and mother as I painted.

I think of my mother and grandmothers often, and always feel their absence on mother's day. I lost my mother and maternal grandmother to stomach cancer. My Grandmother was 64, my Mother was just 48.  Did they have celiac disease?  We will never know, but it is my guess.

My Mother's Day wish is for greater awareness and understanding of celiac disease in the general population - AND in the medical community.  So every mother (and anyone who has a mother) can live a long, joyful, healthy, vibrant life. 

Happy Mother's Day to all!

Celiac genetic testing

Celiac genetics research

Art and healing

"Iris" watercolor on Darches paper, copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

I guess it's not that surprising but the more I heal, the more energy I have so the more I paint. By late fall last year I was really starting to feel the change so took a leap and opened a shop on Etsy. If I was painting again, I might as well put it out there for the world to see.

And, they came looking. I have been featured in a variety of places recently and found out yesterday that my Iris print is the Etsy Item of the Day today and featured on the blog of the same name. I am honored to have had my work chosen.

Coming back to my art, and being able to enjoy - & keep up with - my daughter, have been the two greatest gifts of living gluten free.

Washington DC

"Black Eye-Susans", detail, watercolor & ink on paper, copyright Erin Rogers Pickering


This past weekend we took a road trip to DC for a friends baby shower. A rooftop cocktail party on a spectacularly beautiful Saturday. This was one fun baby shower. We also were able to see friends from VA, had a lovely dinner with cousins of mine, were able to see many dinosaurs & bone exhibits (Ava loved!) And rode the carousel on the Mall... another Ava choice.

We managed to fill every moment in DC with fun on a trip that almost seemed as if we spent more time in the car than anywhere else. Late Friday evening (the 17th) after the car was unpacked, Ava was down for the night and we were relaxing our friend asked if we needed to go online. There I learned through a tweet that an illustration of mine was currently in the DC Examiner. It had arrived many many hours before me - but it didn't need to take the NJ turnpike. Nor was it delayed by the multiple potty stops needed for a 3 year old who had possibly consumed too many grapes.

It was very exciting to see my work included in an article chock full of information on celiac disease. It had very special significance for me, as Friday the 17th was my one year gluten-free anniversary. I have travelled a long way in one year.

The DC Examiner article

What if?

Fantasy Crocuses, watercolor and ink on paper, copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

What if crocuses bloomed in a rainbow of pastels? Would the first flowers of spring spoil us? Too much too soon? Perhaps we would lose the appreciation for those first bursts of golden yellow set against the greys and almost colorless browns of the tail end of winter. Knowing that the lavendars and deep purples are just days away. And finding the delicacy of the scattered white crocuses. They appear so delicate yet they are damn strong to break through and bloom before winter is finished with us.

Sometimes I get caught up in the what ifs... What if my celiac was diagnosed 20 yrs ago? What if I didn't have celiac disease? Where would I be? What could I have accomplished? Not always the most productive way to spend my time. But, the positive side of this line of thinking is it surfaces what's important... where I really want to spend my time, and the appreciation that I do know now. It is pretty easy to follow food restrictions when you can see how bad it was and how good its become. And I can see it not as a struggle or loss - but a gain.

Through my art I can create a garden in whatever colors I imagine without losing an appreciation for the reality. Through my celiac experience I can create a life of good health, vitality and gratefulness and learn from where I have been.

Perfection on a Plate

copyright Erin Rogers Pickering, watercolor and ink on paper


I found perfection on a plate at BabyCakes in NYC.

Warm, cozy, inviting, charming, with such a friendly staff and - the cupcakes are out of this world! The gloomy, rainy day suddenly seemed warm and sunny. Guess it’s the light pink walls, soft glow of light, the divine baking scent and lovely staff. And knowing the cupcakes are gluten free so I could safely go crazy!

I had a chocolate brownie cupcake with vanilla frosting topped with delicate chocolate chips. Words can't adequately describe the velvety texture, the rich chocolate flavor, the sweet, but not overly so, divine frosting. Heaven on a plate. A perfect cupcake. I sketched it and then I ate it, giving me time to appreciate and savor the experience.

I have an extra appreciation for BabyCakes for having Pacific rice milk for my coffee... A truly gluten free rice milk.

If you are in NYC its worth the trip downtown.

BabyCakes NYC

My personal statement

Pears flour sack towel from my watercolor painting,
copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

Recently I joined a celiac forum and I was prompted, while creating my profile, for my personal statement. My first thought was I didn't have one. Then I realized something I have been telling myself for most of the last year, as a whole new world of good health and happiness opened up to me.

"I am gluten free, therefore I can..."

Wow. "I can" Those are powerful words!

I am gluten free therefore I can...
Live without migraines
Eat chocolate
Drink red wine
Be without bone pain
Keep up with my daughter
Face the day with a smile
Go barefoot
Wear heels
Bake – I CAN bake
Bake bread, muffins, cookies, cupcakes that are tasty to everyone
Run again
Paint, Draw, Create
See possibility
Think clearly
Feel joy
Feel healthy
Be energetic

This list could go on and on. Because when I went gluten free I truly hit the jackpot!



Click here for my FREE printable Gluten Free Blessing

Enjoying St Patrick’s Day Gluten Free

                      "St Patrick's Celebration" rough sketch, copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

I gave up beer 20 years ago on the suggestion of a neurologist, a migraine specialist, and one in the long line of specialists I have seen for my migraines. He was unable to ‘cure’ me but I did learn 3 things from him.

1. I always fall into 2 – 3% of patients that have the most extreme or rare reactions to medications. Beta-blockers did not help my migraines, but did initiate weird reactions from my heart. I got off of them as soon as possible.

2. I am good at biofeedback (and as a result meditation). I learned the biofeedback technique at his office and it has served me well dealing with chronic headaches and pain.

3. The Doctor said his patients were finding beer to be a migraine trigger so best not to drink it. I tested the theory – and promptly gave up beer, as it was clear it was a migraine trigger for me. They had no idea at that time it was the gluten.

Over the last 20 years I have mostly lost my taste for beer but remained a fan of cider. I was so happy to discover that Magner’s Irish Cider is naturally gluten-free.

Magner's Irish Cider is the perfect way to celebrate St Patrick’s Day and my Irish heritage. Imported from Ireland, gluten-free, delicious, crisp, and not too sweet, with a refreshing apple flavor. Serve icy cold. In my opinion it can’t be beat. I look forward to one (or two) this evening with my husband.

Running

                              "Running" ink on paper, from my sketchbook, copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

I ran regularly for over 15 yrs. I usually ended a run by icing my knees, and often taking a nap. One 6k race I collapsed at the finish line. People asked why I ran. My answer was always the same… "because I can".

I couldn't describe the high... The release, the freedom, the joy, the order it created in my thoughts, finding resolutions, or making peace with what couldn't change. Being grounded, alive, refreshed. It was my moving meditation even as it became more and more difficult to do.

Until Sunday it had been over 4 years since I went for a run. Broken ankle, torn calf, surgery, back problems, sciatica, foot pain, joint pain, bone pain and constant fatigue made it seem like running would forever be the thing I used to do. I didn't realize until recently how much gluten consumption was destroying my ability to run.

Until Sunday. We went as a family to the cross-country path at the high school.  And I ran. It never felt so good. I didn't go very far but I learned a long time ago that the tortoise always gets to the finish line. It is the beginning again.  And I am still on a high from that run.

I run because I am healthy
I run because I am gluten free.
I run because I can!

Surviving Gluten

"Vieques Sunset", acrylic on canvas, copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

I'm back. I have passed through the black hole of gluten effect.

It was if a switch was flipped late yesterday afternoon – and the skies parted. It reminded me of the painting I did of a Vieques sunset… the sun splashing through the clouds; streaks of color breaking through the grey. Whenever I look at this painting I am on that beach again... Relaxed, peaceful, and in awe of the beauty of the sky.

Today I feel like a million dollars. It was a rough few days but I am that much more appreciative of all that I have. I woke up happy, grateful, energized and pain free.
Gluten free is a beautiful thing.

Staying Positive during a setback

            "Holiday Detroit Delay" pencil in sketchbook,  copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

I bake my own breads and muffins, cook all my own food, keep separate toasters, spatulas, serving spoons etc, read labels obsessively, and shop in special stores. And still sometimes I get gluten. It can be very discouraging. Not sure where it came from... Was it cross contamination? Was it inaccurate labeling? Did I make an error? How to prevent it from happening again?

The stomachaches start, the brain fog rolls in, the headaches come roaring back, and there is the crankiness that makes the smallest interactions unpleasant. And still I wonder where it came from… so I can avoid repeating it.

Trying to not get depressed. And certainly reminding myself to stay on track. I return to the most basic foods until this passes and I can start feeling well again. Usually it takes me 3 to 5 days from last gluten consumption. So as I write this I have 2 more days. The cleaner and safer I eat between now and then, the better I'll feel.

It can be discouraging, but I know there is an end in sight.

I used to cover the Detroit metro area in addition to my NYC accounts. I would fly there once a month and see as many clients as possible in 2 or 3 days. Traveling monthly was fine until I became a mom. Then it was torture to me. I hated leaving her. Hell, I hated leaving her for the day to go into my NYC office everyday. So flying and any associated delays drove me mad.

I did 2 things to stay positive. First, I spoke to my boss about trading the territory so I could be in NYC only. Secondly, I brought my sketchbook on every trip until the time came that I could transition away from traveling. I sketched in the airport, on the planes and in the evening in my hotel room. Sketching focused my thoughts away from the negative and gave back to me.

I try to apply that to my gluten free life, and recovery... What can I set in action to change and heal? And what can I do to focus on the positive aspects while I heal? I took out my travel sketchbook last night when I was feeling particularly low and recalled a 3+ hour delay in Detroit right around the holidays. I didn’t quite capture my fellow travelers but I did have fun.

Is "considered" gluten free good enough?

"Fruit of the Gods" watercolor, copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

I became very frustrated in the first few months as I attempted to remove all gluten from my diet. Seemed no matter how hard I tried I was still ingesting gluten – and delaying the healing process. I was afraid of any prepared or manufactured foods so went to the basics… fresh fruit, vegetables, meat, fish, rice and potatoes. The produce department was my favorite place to visit and the only aisle in the grocery store that didn’t scare me. I continued to investigate everything else I considered eating.

During that time I found out I needed foods produced in dedicated facilities… no matter how safe the handling practices. I learned that many manufacturers dust their conveyor belts with wheat so the food doesn’t stick. Also learning some foods are ‘considered’ gluten free because they contain less than 20 ppm.
But, what if it is something you consume daily or in quantity? How much is really safe? I believe zero is safe.

I drink rice milk daily and the two brands I was buying both contain traces of gluten. Even though they can legally be labeled as gluten free since it is below the 20 ppm. Last summer I switched to Pacific Brand Rice Milk and finally turned the corner. I saw a difference within two weeks and was finally able to begin healing.

Great Friends

                                                                                            "Ladies Night" copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

This past Saturday we got together with 2 friends I used to work with, and their families. It had been a long, long time since the 3 of us were together. We were missing #4, but she lives in FL now so we were hoping she was warm, and having as much fun as we were.

It was one of those events that I was awaiting all week with excitement. But, since going gf I always have a bit of trepidation before eating at anyone's home (all except my brother's since my sister-in-law cooks only gf). I would never want to insult any of my family or friends but I need to protect myself and eat safely, so I often bring my own food.

I always offer to bring appetizers since I can bring a variety of things I can eat... and can always fill up on gf snacks so I can eat light at dinner if need be. My go-to choices... cheese, gf rice crackers, Green Mountain Gringo salsa, fruit, hummus, carrot sticks, and gf tortilla chips.

Well, my wonderful, amazing friend who hosted the dinner went out of her way to prepare a safe meal - and told me everything that went into it so I could rest at ease. She even made a portion of her special appetizer just for me that no one was allowed to touch.

My other dear sweet friend was bringing dessert so she went looking for gf cookies. They were mini bites with raisins and yummy!

So we ate, we drank, we talked, we laughed... all while the kids became instant best friends and got along beautifully. I was able to relax and partake in all the delicious food knowing I was loved and protected.

My cup runneth over.

Erin Go Paint Etsy Store

Happy Feet

Spring Shoe Parade, copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

A funny thing happened on the way to gluten free… My feet got better.

My feet had gotten so tender I couldn’t even stand being barefoot. My shoes had all become torture. Day after day I wore the same soft flat slip-on shoes. Putting them on as soon as I got out of bed in the morning, and taking them off right before getting into bed at night.

It happened so gradually I didn’t really notice until they were quite bad.  My foot problems were overshadowed by the headaches, bone pain and digestive problems. Dozens of high-heels lay forgotten in my closet, I didn't even want to look at them – and this from a high-heeled wearing shoe addict.

Happily, I am back in heels on most days and have even been kicking around the house barefoot... loving every minute of it.

Erin Go Paint Etsy Store

My Migraine Story – A Gluten Free Miracle

My first visual aura occurred when I was 12. My first migraine struck about 6 months later. It was like being hit by a truck. At that time they came every few months, lasted less than a day, but they leveled me. By 16 they were more frequent and we now knew what they were. The pain was excruciating, the auras made me vomit, so when I found food trigger lists I tried to give up everything on the lists.

Unfortunately gluten didn't make it to those trigger lists 30 yrs ago. Damn shame. But chocolate and red wine were there and by my early 20s I had vowed never to touch them again (I stayed true to that vow for over 20 yrs). It wasn't worth 4, 5, 6 days in bed in the dark in agony... Thinking I would never see the other side of that pain.

I have tried everything from radical and experimental drug treatments, heavy-duty painkillers, acupuncture, biofeedback, meditation, tai chi, ice packs, caffeine, hot compresses, sleep, and a severely restricted diet, but still never a mention of gluten.
And still averaged 3-4 migraines a month. Lasting an average of 2 days.

I do remember in my late 20's while speaking with a renowned NYC Migraine Neurologist that he recommended avoiding beer since that seemed to be a huge migraine trigger with most of his patients.

In 2000 I found out I had celiac disease accidentally. Through an elimination diet in order to control my fluctuating thyroid levels, I removed gluten among other things. When I reintroduce gluten I got a migraine - Every. Single. Time. 
I ate mostly gluten free for the next 5 years and felt a little better but not great, but did not have a full understanding.

In April 2009 I made the decision to get super strict and super vigilant.  No matter what it took I was going to get all the gluten out  - I could no longer live with the constant bone pain, profound exhaustion and what had become daily headaches.

It took a lot longer than I thought to really feel a difference but the headaches started to lessen within weeks. After a few months it was clear the migraines were leaving. And they only occurred when I accidently ate gluten.
It took some time, and a huge effort, to identify and remove all the gluten traces in my diet.  ALL the traces!

This coming April I will hit my 5 year mark of super clean. I have lost track of the last time I had a migraine... After 30+ years I never really thought I would ever see this day! I never thought this could be possible!  
And the joy and gratefulness that I feel brings tears to my eyes. I do know that it is well worth the trouble to be gluten free and that I have to maintain zero tolerance.

This is not a diet to ever cheat on. You only cheat yourself.

Important note: Since going gluten free, chocolate and red wine are no longer migraine triggers... and I savor them every chance I get!

"Mommy's Baking!"

"Artisan Baker gluten-free"
handpainted flour sack towel, copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

My daughter goes running joyfully through the house to notify her Daddy... "Mommy's baking!" I bake every week now but she is no less excited. It's all gluten free, and she, and my husband, gobble up the muffins and bread I bake, barely waiting for them to cool.

I was never a baker - probably made 5 cakes in my entire life. Especially from scratch. Any recipe with more than 8 ingredients intimidates me. So I use mixes, and I experiment... adding to the batter to make them as healthy and interesting as possible... canned pumpkin, bananas, berries, yogurt, nuts, etc. Some have been more successful than others, but all have been tasty.

Truthfully, I don't experiment with the bread too much - took me too long to get it right, so I am afraid to deviate. Tweaking the time and oven temperature, how warm the kitchen needed to be for the rise, which rack gave the best results kept me occupied. But, we ate all the trials along the way because this bread is damn tasty and goes fast in our house.

I use Whole Foods 365 Brand Corn Muffin Mix, Muffin Mix, and Sandwich Bread Mix. I recommend these mixes for ease of use and for the excellent taste and texture. Eating these is not missing out.

And, it is very satisfying to have safe, healthy fresh baked goods in the house.

Erin Go Paint Etsy Store

Intent

" Midnight in the Garden", acrylic, 20x24 copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

I created this blog back in April 08 with the intent to chronicle my transition to be fully gluten free, as I lived it. I didn't realize how ill I was until I took on the task of healing.

Planning, preparing, baking, researching... stretched my already jammed schedule nearly to the breaking point. I had no time or energy for writing/illustrating when I was so busy just getting through each day, ever watchful of any lurking gluten.

I didn't know when I began that it would take months to uncover all the gluten I was consuming. I didn't know the exhaustion would take so very long to fade. I was certainly unprepared for the withdrawal and the force at which it hit - especially since I was already on a very low gluten diet. (My husband was amazingly supportive through this very rough phase).

It took months of being rigidly watchful, suspicious of all foods, ignoring the naysayers who told me "it wasn't worth it" or "that it must be something else or you would feel better by now" or "why was I sick again?" It meant giving up the convenience of take-out, the enjoyment of dining out, bringing my own food everywhere or sometimes just being hungry. It meant staying positive, getting scoped in case the situation had gotten more serious, and believing that if it took a lifetime to get this bad, that it would take time to heal.

I did it because I believed it was the answer. And it was.

http://eringopaint.etsy.com/

Erin Go Paint Etsy Store