The Agony and the Ecstasy

"After Michelangelo" watercolor on paper, 8x10, Erin Rogers Pickering

I love The Agony and the Ecstasy by Irving Stone and have read it more than once. I may not be Michelangelo but I know the torture of being driven to draw and paint by an internal fire - the feelings, processes and outcomes can bring great highs and difficult lows.

And very much like motherhood.  I love my daughter more than life itself, and she is an enormous challenge. Bringing me tremendous and overwhelming joy and frustration beyond imagining. From one minute to the next we can be on different ends of the spectrum, and back again in a flash.

It is also very much like my gluten-free path. It has brought me healing, energy and vitality that I never could have dreamed of; connected me with an amazing community of people, and inspired me to paint again.  But it requires planning, vigilance, and never letting my guard down. I struggle with reactions to food that are "considered gluten-free" and occasional cross-contamination and sometimes have very tough days.

But as with my daughter that I adore, and my art that continuously calls, my food intolerance is part of my every waking, and sleeping, moment. 

And I wonder without the agony would I fully appreciate the ecstasy? 

The Monkey House

"Close Enough"detail, ink on paper, copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

I hadn't been down the grocery store bread aisle in ages. But honey was on my list and that's where our local Pathmark shelves it. Having no need for 'regular' bread I've avoided that aisle since honestly, I no longer care for the smell.

The longer I am gluten-free the less I can tolerate the smell and the more uncomfortable it makes me. The honey was half way down a looong aisle so I couldn’t just get in and out. The coughing started as soon as I entered, increasing the further I went, and as I got to the honey I was really coughing - truly feeling like I couldn’t get enough air. By the time I was able to get out I was practically gagging.  It's very similar to my reaction to the monkey house at the zoo and usually make a quick exit.

When I got home and told my husband he thought it was a bit kooky - can't blame him - and he assumed it was my thought associations with gluten that was responsible for the reaction. So I reached out to my celiac/GF friends on twitter to find out if anyone else has a similar physical reaction. And found out I am not the only one (which proves I'm not crazy).

How does the bread aisle make you feel?