Birthday Gift for Celiac Awareness Month

"God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well."  ~ Voltaire

Seems apropos that my birthday falls during Celiac Awareness Month!  Awareness, and gluten free eating, gave me back my health and - the gift of living well!  
For that I am deeply grateful!

To share the birthday love, awareness and a help encourage a positive attitude I am offering specials on my GF Blessing now through the end of this week, Saturday May 24th. Choose the 8x10 art print or the downloadable pdf that you print yourself.

And enjoy!

The Monkey House

"Close Enough"detail, ink on paper, copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

I hadn't been down the grocery store bread aisle in ages. But honey was on my list and that's where our local Pathmark shelves it. Having no need for 'regular' bread I've avoided that aisle since honestly, I no longer care for the smell.

The longer I am gluten-free the less I can tolerate the smell and the more uncomfortable it makes me. The honey was half way down a looong aisle so I couldn’t just get in and out. The coughing started as soon as I entered, increasing the further I went, and as I got to the honey I was really coughing - truly feeling like I couldn’t get enough air. By the time I was able to get out I was practically gagging.  It's very similar to my reaction to the monkey house at the zoo and usually make a quick exit.

When I got home and told my husband he thought it was a bit kooky - can't blame him - and he assumed it was my thought associations with gluten that was responsible for the reaction. So I reached out to my celiac/GF friends on twitter to find out if anyone else has a similar physical reaction. And found out I am not the only one (which proves I'm not crazy).

How does the bread aisle make you feel?

Did van Gogh have Celiac Disease?

"Starry Night" after Vincent van Gogh, fabric paint on onsie

by Erin Rogers Pickering for Ava when she was a baby

My random thought of the day...

I often think about van Gogh, he is one of my favorite painters and I have always been disturbed by the version of him I learned back in school - that he was crazy. After visiting France in 2000 and seeing where he lived in Auvers, I felt that history had done him an injustice. There have been so many theories on what tortured van Gogh and drove him to suicide, and many have not been kind. He shot himself in a wheat field. Hmmm... a wheat field.

What we know is that Vincent van Gogh was a genius; his art is unparalleled. We know he was gaunt, depressed, behaved erratically, was thought to be bipolar, complained of gastrointestinal problems, dental problems, headaches, tired/dry eyes, and fatigue. And - that he shot himself in a wheat field.

What if he wasn't a starving artist, but suffering from malabsorption? What if a gluten free diet could have saved him - and allowed his genius to continue?

What is your life's work? Your genius? What is stopping you from living fully and living gluten-free?

In remembrance and gratitude

Cupcakes & Cappuccino, watercolor & ink on paper, copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

Last night as I was baking for Ava's birthday dinner tonight I had some rare quiet time to reflect on the momentous day to come. April 7th has been a life-changing day for me. I have experienced the saddest of times and the most joyous… losing my mother, and watching my daughter come into the world exactly 23 yrs apart.

I am flooded with memories and emotions. Knowing that my mother and my daughter are somehow magically linked to one another. Both influencing who I am… By example my mother taught me to be the mother I am today. My daughter inspires me to be my best and to live a healthy vibrant life... as I hope she will learn from my example.

I remember my mother with love and sweetness and light. I am grateful that I had her as my mom. I am grateful to my daughter for bringing such joy into our lives. I am grateful to her birthmother for choosing us to parent her, and bringing this dear sweet angel into this world. I am grateful for my wonderful husband. I am grateful for all my beautiful family and amazing friends. I am grateful to be healthy enough to enjoy and appreciate all that I have.

Celebration

I started this blog as part of my healing process… to help others by sharing my story, as other stories helped me, and with the intent to create an illustration for every post. This would keep me creating. It is a tall order and has surely slowed me down, but is a very enjoyable and satisfying process.

That being said I felt this post deserved a photo. Our daughter turns 3 this week and on Saturday we had 7 of her friends and their parents over for brunch. We could’ve gone the bagel route but I was petrified of the amount of crumbs eight 3 year olds would create... Not for the mess, that comes with the territory, but what would a house full of gluten crumbs do to me? I decided not to find out.

I took Friday off from work and I spent the day baking and prepping for the party. And did I ever bake… 2 dz. cupcakes (vanilla and chocolate), a loaf of bread (for the baked French toast) and a batch of mini pumpkin/corn muffins. Thank you 365 Brand mixes... All were delicious and enjoyed by all!

I also made two crust-less quiches. No crust saves big on calories and is automatically gluten free. The meal was completed with a big fruit salad.

Ava helped me make the butter cream frosting that morning and assisted me in frosting the cupcakes – and herself. She was overjoyed by the party and managed to snag multiple cupcakes. She's fast.

Though the house required a serious cleaning there wasn't a gluten crumb in site. I was safe and healthy and got the ultimate thank you from my daughter…"thank you for the beautiful cupcakes. I love you mommy!" All is right in my world.

What if?

Fantasy Crocuses, watercolor and ink on paper, copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

What if crocuses bloomed in a rainbow of pastels? Would the first flowers of spring spoil us? Too much too soon? Perhaps we would lose the appreciation for those first bursts of golden yellow set against the greys and almost colorless browns of the tail end of winter. Knowing that the lavendars and deep purples are just days away. And finding the delicacy of the scattered white crocuses. They appear so delicate yet they are damn strong to break through and bloom before winter is finished with us.

Sometimes I get caught up in the what ifs... What if my celiac was diagnosed 20 yrs ago? What if I didn't have celiac disease? Where would I be? What could I have accomplished? Not always the most productive way to spend my time. But, the positive side of this line of thinking is it surfaces what's important... where I really want to spend my time, and the appreciation that I do know now. It is pretty easy to follow food restrictions when you can see how bad it was and how good its become. And I can see it not as a struggle or loss - but a gain.

Through my art I can create a garden in whatever colors I imagine without losing an appreciation for the reality. Through my celiac experience I can create a life of good health, vitality and gratefulness and learn from where I have been.

Perfection on a Plate

copyright Erin Rogers Pickering, watercolor and ink on paper


I found perfection on a plate at BabyCakes in NYC.

Warm, cozy, inviting, charming, with such a friendly staff and - the cupcakes are out of this world! The gloomy, rainy day suddenly seemed warm and sunny. Guess it’s the light pink walls, soft glow of light, the divine baking scent and lovely staff. And knowing the cupcakes are gluten free so I could safely go crazy!

I had a chocolate brownie cupcake with vanilla frosting topped with delicate chocolate chips. Words can't adequately describe the velvety texture, the rich chocolate flavor, the sweet, but not overly so, divine frosting. Heaven on a plate. A perfect cupcake. I sketched it and then I ate it, giving me time to appreciate and savor the experience.

I have an extra appreciation for BabyCakes for having Pacific rice milk for my coffee... A truly gluten free rice milk.

If you are in NYC its worth the trip downtown.

BabyCakes NYC

Enjoying St Patrick’s Day Gluten Free

                      "St Patrick's Celebration" rough sketch, copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

I gave up beer 20 years ago on the suggestion of a neurologist, a migraine specialist, and one in the long line of specialists I have seen for my migraines. He was unable to ‘cure’ me but I did learn 3 things from him.

1. I always fall into 2 – 3% of patients that have the most extreme or rare reactions to medications. Beta-blockers did not help my migraines, but did initiate weird reactions from my heart. I got off of them as soon as possible.

2. I am good at biofeedback (and as a result meditation). I learned the biofeedback technique at his office and it has served me well dealing with chronic headaches and pain.

3. The Doctor said his patients were finding beer to be a migraine trigger so best not to drink it. I tested the theory – and promptly gave up beer, as it was clear it was a migraine trigger for me. They had no idea at that time it was the gluten.

Over the last 20 years I have mostly lost my taste for beer but remained a fan of cider. I was so happy to discover that Magner’s Irish Cider is naturally gluten-free.

Magner's Irish Cider is the perfect way to celebrate St Patrick’s Day and my Irish heritage. Imported from Ireland, gluten-free, delicious, crisp, and not too sweet, with a refreshing apple flavor. Serve icy cold. In my opinion it can’t be beat. I look forward to one (or two) this evening with my husband.

Running

                              "Running" ink on paper, from my sketchbook, copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

I ran regularly for over 15 yrs. I usually ended a run by icing my knees, and often taking a nap. One 6k race I collapsed at the finish line. People asked why I ran. My answer was always the same… "because I can".

I couldn't describe the high... The release, the freedom, the joy, the order it created in my thoughts, finding resolutions, or making peace with what couldn't change. Being grounded, alive, refreshed. It was my moving meditation even as it became more and more difficult to do.

Until Sunday it had been over 4 years since I went for a run. Broken ankle, torn calf, surgery, back problems, sciatica, foot pain, joint pain, bone pain and constant fatigue made it seem like running would forever be the thing I used to do. I didn't realize until recently how much gluten consumption was destroying my ability to run.

Until Sunday. We went as a family to the cross-country path at the high school.  And I ran. It never felt so good. I didn't go very far but I learned a long time ago that the tortoise always gets to the finish line. It is the beginning again.  And I am still on a high from that run.

I run because I am healthy
I run because I am gluten free.
I run because I can!

Staying Positive during a setback

            "Holiday Detroit Delay" pencil in sketchbook,  copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

I bake my own breads and muffins, cook all my own food, keep separate toasters, spatulas, serving spoons etc, read labels obsessively, and shop in special stores. And still sometimes I get gluten. It can be very discouraging. Not sure where it came from... Was it cross contamination? Was it inaccurate labeling? Did I make an error? How to prevent it from happening again?

The stomachaches start, the brain fog rolls in, the headaches come roaring back, and there is the crankiness that makes the smallest interactions unpleasant. And still I wonder where it came from… so I can avoid repeating it.

Trying to not get depressed. And certainly reminding myself to stay on track. I return to the most basic foods until this passes and I can start feeling well again. Usually it takes me 3 to 5 days from last gluten consumption. So as I write this I have 2 more days. The cleaner and safer I eat between now and then, the better I'll feel.

It can be discouraging, but I know there is an end in sight.

I used to cover the Detroit metro area in addition to my NYC accounts. I would fly there once a month and see as many clients as possible in 2 or 3 days. Traveling monthly was fine until I became a mom. Then it was torture to me. I hated leaving her. Hell, I hated leaving her for the day to go into my NYC office everyday. So flying and any associated delays drove me mad.

I did 2 things to stay positive. First, I spoke to my boss about trading the territory so I could be in NYC only. Secondly, I brought my sketchbook on every trip until the time came that I could transition away from traveling. I sketched in the airport, on the planes and in the evening in my hotel room. Sketching focused my thoughts away from the negative and gave back to me.

I try to apply that to my gluten free life, and recovery... What can I set in action to change and heal? And what can I do to focus on the positive aspects while I heal? I took out my travel sketchbook last night when I was feeling particularly low and recalled a 3+ hour delay in Detroit right around the holidays. I didn’t quite capture my fellow travelers but I did have fun.

Is "considered" gluten free good enough?

"Fruit of the Gods" watercolor, copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

I became very frustrated in the first few months as I attempted to remove all gluten from my diet. Seemed no matter how hard I tried I was still ingesting gluten – and delaying the healing process. I was afraid of any prepared or manufactured foods so went to the basics… fresh fruit, vegetables, meat, fish, rice and potatoes. The produce department was my favorite place to visit and the only aisle in the grocery store that didn’t scare me. I continued to investigate everything else I considered eating.

During that time I found out I needed foods produced in dedicated facilities… no matter how safe the handling practices. I learned that many manufacturers dust their conveyor belts with wheat so the food doesn’t stick. Also learning some foods are ‘considered’ gluten free because they contain less than 20 ppm.
But, what if it is something you consume daily or in quantity? How much is really safe? I believe zero is safe.

I drink rice milk daily and the two brands I was buying both contain traces of gluten. Even though they can legally be labeled as gluten free since it is below the 20 ppm. Last summer I switched to Pacific Brand Rice Milk and finally turned the corner. I saw a difference within two weeks and was finally able to begin healing.