The Suffragette

"The Suffragette", 8x10 watercolor and ink on paper, copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

The newest addition to my ongoing Vintage Closets series.  

A tribute to the women who marched before us... and for us! 

They marched encumbered by layers and layers of clothing, and certainly not the most comfortable shoes.  Many shoes to keep her feet going.

They stood for what they believed.

And, they changed the world!

Painting a Week 52 Week Challenge, Painting #2

"Zebra 2", acrylic on wood panel, 8x8, copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

I would just like to say out loud and in writing, when I decided to challenge myself to a painting a week for 52 weeks, I did not mean to challenge the universe. Just myself.

Week 1 our little girl came down with strep throat. Week 2, I caught strep - along with an ear infection. Now she has a cold. These events bring another dimension to the challenge for me. Right off the bat, I had huge stumbling blocks thrown in my way, but I painted anyway.

Meanwhile, the house looks like a wreck, the laundry continues to pile, and my daughter in her discomfort has a never-ending need to be attached to me… but in spite of all the chaos, I found peace in painting. The peace I found, I bring to all the rest.

The painting continues…

My Upcoming 52 Week Challenge

"How Now, Violet Cow" watercolor & ink on paper, 8x10. copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

In order to keep on track creatively, and reach my goals, I've decided to challenge myself. Things aren't challenging enough with a full-time job, fledging art business, a high energy 4 year old (who is not a fan of staying asleep) and, dietary restrictions that require regular planning, cooking and baking. But if it weren’t for those dietary restrictions, and the removal of gluten, taking on another challenge would be unthinkable.

The challenge I choose to accept: I will paint a painting a week for the next 52 weeks. Yes, 52 paintings in 52 weeks - it's a bit scary to say out loud.

Why add more to an already overflowing plate? Honestly, because painting makes me whole. It keeps me centered, happy and connected. And, unfortunately constantly loses priority to a never-ending to-do list.

I am curious to see if being committed to the goal of creating a painting a week might actually help all the other moving parts of my life run more smoothly... and not cause my head to explode. We shall see.

I start next week. The 52 weeks will run birthday to birthday. Maybe, just maybe, during this process… I will finally paint "the series" that has been in my head - and in my heart - for years!

Stay tuned, stop by to check on my progress, and let me know what you think. Happily eating, and painting, gluten free!

The luck o’ the Celiac Irish

"Shamrock Stiletto", watercolor & ink, 5x7, copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

Almost 2 years into living totally gluten-free I consider myself very lucky...

Lucky to have found the source of all that ailed me.

Lucky to have rid myself of all the gluten long enough to see real healing.

Lucky to have a husband who supported me through the good, the bad, the ugly, and most especially the really ugly - withdrawal.

Lucky to have a kitchen that is virtually gluten-free.

Lucky to have a daughter, not yet 4, who looks out for me and has a grasp of cross-contamination.

Lucky for an amazing GF community on twitter.

Lucky for all the understanding and respect from family and friends.

Lucky to be able to return to my art.

Lucky that the daily pain and headaches are gone.

Lucky that I now am comfortable baking - and appreciative of all who share gf recipes.

Lucky that the gluten-free product choices continue to grow.

Lucky that there are chefs and restaurants that are rising to the challenge of serving tasty and safe gluten-free meals so I can dine out occasionally.

Lucky that I can sit down to a gluten-free St. Patrick’s Day meal tonight! Complete with hard cider.

Lucky that the power of healing is in my hands and with every meal I eat I get healthier.

 

May the GF products rise to meet you. 
May the gluten consumption forever be behind you.
May the sun – and all its glorious Vitamin D – be warm upon your face.
And, may the GF grains fall softly on your baking.

Happy St Patrick’s Day to all!

Dry Eyes

"Close Enough - Tiger" ink on paper, copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

Last week I went for my yearly eye check; to get my perscription tweaked and order new lenses. My Doctor commented immediately that my eyes didn't seem nearly as dry as past visits. I wear gas permemable (hard) lenses.
Last year he gave me a prescription to help my tear ducts produce more tears as the situtation was getting worse and worse and I was having trouble wetting my lenses. It was right about the time I went gluten-free. On a lark I googled dry eyes and auto-immune conditions. And what do you know? Sjorgens described me to a tee.

I put the presription aside and rolled the dice... I was betting the removal of gluten was going to improve the situatuon. Guess what?

After telling him I chose not to take the meds he asked if I was doing anything diffferent. "I went gluten-free... Celiac is an auto immume disease and so is sjorgens". Doc said keep it up - will be interesting to see if it continues to improve.

Yes it will. The changes and improvements keep coming and keep surprising me.

Celebration

I started this blog as part of my healing process… to help others by sharing my story, as other stories helped me, and with the intent to create an illustration for every post. This would keep me creating. It is a tall order and has surely slowed me down, but is a very enjoyable and satisfying process.

That being said I felt this post deserved a photo. Our daughter turns 3 this week and on Saturday we had 7 of her friends and their parents over for brunch. We could’ve gone the bagel route but I was petrified of the amount of crumbs eight 3 year olds would create... Not for the mess, that comes with the territory, but what would a house full of gluten crumbs do to me? I decided not to find out.

I took Friday off from work and I spent the day baking and prepping for the party. And did I ever bake… 2 dz. cupcakes (vanilla and chocolate), a loaf of bread (for the baked French toast) and a batch of mini pumpkin/corn muffins. Thank you 365 Brand mixes... All were delicious and enjoyed by all!

I also made two crust-less quiches. No crust saves big on calories and is automatically gluten free. The meal was completed with a big fruit salad.

Ava helped me make the butter cream frosting that morning and assisted me in frosting the cupcakes – and herself. She was overjoyed by the party and managed to snag multiple cupcakes. She's fast.

Though the house required a serious cleaning there wasn't a gluten crumb in site. I was safe and healthy and got the ultimate thank you from my daughter…"thank you for the beautiful cupcakes. I love you mommy!" All is right in my world.

What if?

Fantasy Crocuses, watercolor and ink on paper, copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

What if crocuses bloomed in a rainbow of pastels? Would the first flowers of spring spoil us? Too much too soon? Perhaps we would lose the appreciation for those first bursts of golden yellow set against the greys and almost colorless browns of the tail end of winter. Knowing that the lavendars and deep purples are just days away. And finding the delicacy of the scattered white crocuses. They appear so delicate yet they are damn strong to break through and bloom before winter is finished with us.

Sometimes I get caught up in the what ifs... What if my celiac was diagnosed 20 yrs ago? What if I didn't have celiac disease? Where would I be? What could I have accomplished? Not always the most productive way to spend my time. But, the positive side of this line of thinking is it surfaces what's important... where I really want to spend my time, and the appreciation that I do know now. It is pretty easy to follow food restrictions when you can see how bad it was and how good its become. And I can see it not as a struggle or loss - but a gain.

Through my art I can create a garden in whatever colors I imagine without losing an appreciation for the reality. Through my celiac experience I can create a life of good health, vitality and gratefulness and learn from where I have been.

My personal statement

Pears flour sack towel from my watercolor painting,
copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

Recently I joined a celiac forum and I was prompted, while creating my profile, for my personal statement. My first thought was I didn't have one. Then I realized something I have been telling myself for most of the last year, as a whole new world of good health and happiness opened up to me.

"I am gluten free, therefore I can..."

Wow. "I can" Those are powerful words!

I am gluten free therefore I can...
Live without migraines
Eat chocolate
Drink red wine
Be without bone pain
Keep up with my daughter
Face the day with a smile
Go barefoot
Wear heels
Bake – I CAN bake
Bake bread, muffins, cookies, cupcakes that are tasty to everyone
Run again
Paint, Draw, Create
See possibility
Think clearly
Feel joy
Feel healthy
Be energetic

This list could go on and on. Because when I went gluten free I truly hit the jackpot!



Click here for my FREE printable Gluten Free Blessing

Enjoying St Patrick’s Day Gluten Free

                      "St Patrick's Celebration" rough sketch, copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

I gave up beer 20 years ago on the suggestion of a neurologist, a migraine specialist, and one in the long line of specialists I have seen for my migraines. He was unable to ‘cure’ me but I did learn 3 things from him.

1. I always fall into 2 – 3% of patients that have the most extreme or rare reactions to medications. Beta-blockers did not help my migraines, but did initiate weird reactions from my heart. I got off of them as soon as possible.

2. I am good at biofeedback (and as a result meditation). I learned the biofeedback technique at his office and it has served me well dealing with chronic headaches and pain.

3. The Doctor said his patients were finding beer to be a migraine trigger so best not to drink it. I tested the theory – and promptly gave up beer, as it was clear it was a migraine trigger for me. They had no idea at that time it was the gluten.

Over the last 20 years I have mostly lost my taste for beer but remained a fan of cider. I was so happy to discover that Magner’s Irish Cider is naturally gluten-free.

Magner's Irish Cider is the perfect way to celebrate St Patrick’s Day and my Irish heritage. Imported from Ireland, gluten-free, delicious, crisp, and not too sweet, with a refreshing apple flavor. Serve icy cold. In my opinion it can’t be beat. I look forward to one (or two) this evening with my husband.

Running

                              "Running" ink on paper, from my sketchbook, copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

I ran regularly for over 15 yrs. I usually ended a run by icing my knees, and often taking a nap. One 6k race I collapsed at the finish line. People asked why I ran. My answer was always the same… "because I can".

I couldn't describe the high... The release, the freedom, the joy, the order it created in my thoughts, finding resolutions, or making peace with what couldn't change. Being grounded, alive, refreshed. It was my moving meditation even as it became more and more difficult to do.

Until Sunday it had been over 4 years since I went for a run. Broken ankle, torn calf, surgery, back problems, sciatica, foot pain, joint pain, bone pain and constant fatigue made it seem like running would forever be the thing I used to do. I didn't realize until recently how much gluten consumption was destroying my ability to run.

Until Sunday. We went as a family to the cross-country path at the high school.  And I ran. It never felt so good. I didn't go very far but I learned a long time ago that the tortoise always gets to the finish line. It is the beginning again.  And I am still on a high from that run.

I run because I am healthy
I run because I am gluten free.
I run because I can!

Surviving Gluten

"Vieques Sunset", acrylic on canvas, copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

I'm back. I have passed through the black hole of gluten effect.

It was if a switch was flipped late yesterday afternoon – and the skies parted. It reminded me of the painting I did of a Vieques sunset… the sun splashing through the clouds; streaks of color breaking through the grey. Whenever I look at this painting I am on that beach again... Relaxed, peaceful, and in awe of the beauty of the sky.

Today I feel like a million dollars. It was a rough few days but I am that much more appreciative of all that I have. I woke up happy, grateful, energized and pain free.
Gluten free is a beautiful thing.

Staying Positive during a setback

            "Holiday Detroit Delay" pencil in sketchbook,  copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

I bake my own breads and muffins, cook all my own food, keep separate toasters, spatulas, serving spoons etc, read labels obsessively, and shop in special stores. And still sometimes I get gluten. It can be very discouraging. Not sure where it came from... Was it cross contamination? Was it inaccurate labeling? Did I make an error? How to prevent it from happening again?

The stomachaches start, the brain fog rolls in, the headaches come roaring back, and there is the crankiness that makes the smallest interactions unpleasant. And still I wonder where it came from… so I can avoid repeating it.

Trying to not get depressed. And certainly reminding myself to stay on track. I return to the most basic foods until this passes and I can start feeling well again. Usually it takes me 3 to 5 days from last gluten consumption. So as I write this I have 2 more days. The cleaner and safer I eat between now and then, the better I'll feel.

It can be discouraging, but I know there is an end in sight.

I used to cover the Detroit metro area in addition to my NYC accounts. I would fly there once a month and see as many clients as possible in 2 or 3 days. Traveling monthly was fine until I became a mom. Then it was torture to me. I hated leaving her. Hell, I hated leaving her for the day to go into my NYC office everyday. So flying and any associated delays drove me mad.

I did 2 things to stay positive. First, I spoke to my boss about trading the territory so I could be in NYC only. Secondly, I brought my sketchbook on every trip until the time came that I could transition away from traveling. I sketched in the airport, on the planes and in the evening in my hotel room. Sketching focused my thoughts away from the negative and gave back to me.

I try to apply that to my gluten free life, and recovery... What can I set in action to change and heal? And what can I do to focus on the positive aspects while I heal? I took out my travel sketchbook last night when I was feeling particularly low and recalled a 3+ hour delay in Detroit right around the holidays. I didn’t quite capture my fellow travelers but I did have fun.

Is "considered" gluten free good enough?

"Fruit of the Gods" watercolor, copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

I became very frustrated in the first few months as I attempted to remove all gluten from my diet. Seemed no matter how hard I tried I was still ingesting gluten – and delaying the healing process. I was afraid of any prepared or manufactured foods so went to the basics… fresh fruit, vegetables, meat, fish, rice and potatoes. The produce department was my favorite place to visit and the only aisle in the grocery store that didn’t scare me. I continued to investigate everything else I considered eating.

During that time I found out I needed foods produced in dedicated facilities… no matter how safe the handling practices. I learned that many manufacturers dust their conveyor belts with wheat so the food doesn’t stick. Also learning some foods are ‘considered’ gluten free because they contain less than 20 ppm.
But, what if it is something you consume daily or in quantity? How much is really safe? I believe zero is safe.

I drink rice milk daily and the two brands I was buying both contain traces of gluten. Even though they can legally be labeled as gluten free since it is below the 20 ppm. Last summer I switched to Pacific Brand Rice Milk and finally turned the corner. I saw a difference within two weeks and was finally able to begin healing.

Great Friends

                                                                                            "Ladies Night" copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

This past Saturday we got together with 2 friends I used to work with, and their families. It had been a long, long time since the 3 of us were together. We were missing #4, but she lives in FL now so we were hoping she was warm, and having as much fun as we were.

It was one of those events that I was awaiting all week with excitement. But, since going gf I always have a bit of trepidation before eating at anyone's home (all except my brother's since my sister-in-law cooks only gf). I would never want to insult any of my family or friends but I need to protect myself and eat safely, so I often bring my own food.

I always offer to bring appetizers since I can bring a variety of things I can eat... and can always fill up on gf snacks so I can eat light at dinner if need be. My go-to choices... cheese, gf rice crackers, Green Mountain Gringo salsa, fruit, hummus, carrot sticks, and gf tortilla chips.

Well, my wonderful, amazing friend who hosted the dinner went out of her way to prepare a safe meal - and told me everything that went into it so I could rest at ease. She even made a portion of her special appetizer just for me that no one was allowed to touch.

My other dear sweet friend was bringing dessert so she went looking for gf cookies. They were mini bites with raisins and yummy!

So we ate, we drank, we talked, we laughed... all while the kids became instant best friends and got along beautifully. I was able to relax and partake in all the delicious food knowing I was loved and protected.

My cup runneth over.

Erin Go Paint Etsy Store

Happy Feet

Spring Shoe Parade, copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

A funny thing happened on the way to gluten free… My feet got better.

My feet had gotten so tender I couldn’t even stand being barefoot. My shoes had all become torture. Day after day I wore the same soft flat slip-on shoes. Putting them on as soon as I got out of bed in the morning, and taking them off right before getting into bed at night.

It happened so gradually I didn’t really notice until they were quite bad.  My foot problems were overshadowed by the headaches, bone pain and digestive problems. Dozens of high-heels lay forgotten in my closet, I didn't even want to look at them – and this from a high-heeled wearing shoe addict.

Happily, I am back in heels on most days and have even been kicking around the house barefoot... loving every minute of it.

Erin Go Paint Etsy Store

My Migraine Story – A Gluten Free Miracle

My first visual aura occurred when I was 12. My first migraine struck about 6 months later. It was like being hit by a truck. At that time they came every few months, lasted less than a day, but they leveled me. By 16 they were more frequent and we now knew what they were. The pain was excruciating, the auras made me vomit, so when I found food trigger lists I tried to give up everything on the lists.

Unfortunately gluten didn't make it to those trigger lists 30 yrs ago. Damn shame. But chocolate and red wine were there and by my early 20s I had vowed never to touch them again (I stayed true to that vow for over 20 yrs). It wasn't worth 4, 5, 6 days in bed in the dark in agony... Thinking I would never see the other side of that pain.

I have tried everything from radical and experimental drug treatments, heavy-duty painkillers, acupuncture, biofeedback, meditation, tai chi, ice packs, caffeine, hot compresses, sleep, and a severely restricted diet, but still never a mention of gluten.
And still averaged 3-4 migraines a month. Lasting an average of 2 days.

I do remember in my late 20's while speaking with a renowned NYC Migraine Neurologist that he recommended avoiding beer since that seemed to be a huge migraine trigger with most of his patients.

In 2000 I found out I had celiac disease accidentally. Through an elimination diet in order to control my fluctuating thyroid levels, I removed gluten among other things. When I reintroduce gluten I got a migraine - Every. Single. Time. 
I ate mostly gluten free for the next 5 years and felt a little better but not great, but did not have a full understanding.

In April 2009 I made the decision to get super strict and super vigilant.  No matter what it took I was going to get all the gluten out  - I could no longer live with the constant bone pain, profound exhaustion and what had become daily headaches.

It took a lot longer than I thought to really feel a difference but the headaches started to lessen within weeks. After a few months it was clear the migraines were leaving. And they only occurred when I accidently ate gluten.
It took some time, and a huge effort, to identify and remove all the gluten traces in my diet.  ALL the traces!

This coming April I will hit my 5 year mark of super clean. I have lost track of the last time I had a migraine... After 30+ years I never really thought I would ever see this day! I never thought this could be possible!  
And the joy and gratefulness that I feel brings tears to my eyes. I do know that it is well worth the trouble to be gluten free and that I have to maintain zero tolerance.

This is not a diet to ever cheat on. You only cheat yourself.

Important note: Since going gluten free, chocolate and red wine are no longer migraine triggers... and I savor them every chance I get!

"Mommy's Baking!"

"Artisan Baker gluten-free"
handpainted flour sack towel, copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

My daughter goes running joyfully through the house to notify her Daddy... "Mommy's baking!" I bake every week now but she is no less excited. It's all gluten free, and she, and my husband, gobble up the muffins and bread I bake, barely waiting for them to cool.

I was never a baker - probably made 5 cakes in my entire life. Especially from scratch. Any recipe with more than 8 ingredients intimidates me. So I use mixes, and I experiment... adding to the batter to make them as healthy and interesting as possible... canned pumpkin, bananas, berries, yogurt, nuts, etc. Some have been more successful than others, but all have been tasty.

Truthfully, I don't experiment with the bread too much - took me too long to get it right, so I am afraid to deviate. Tweaking the time and oven temperature, how warm the kitchen needed to be for the rise, which rack gave the best results kept me occupied. But, we ate all the trials along the way because this bread is damn tasty and goes fast in our house.

I use Whole Foods 365 Brand Corn Muffin Mix, Muffin Mix, and Sandwich Bread Mix. I recommend these mixes for ease of use and for the excellent taste and texture. Eating these is not missing out.

And, it is very satisfying to have safe, healthy fresh baked goods in the house.

Erin Go Paint Etsy Store

Intent

" Midnight in the Garden", acrylic, 20x24 copyright Erin Rogers Pickering

I created this blog back in April 08 with the intent to chronicle my transition to be fully gluten free, as I lived it. I didn't realize how ill I was until I took on the task of healing.

Planning, preparing, baking, researching... stretched my already jammed schedule nearly to the breaking point. I had no time or energy for writing/illustrating when I was so busy just getting through each day, ever watchful of any lurking gluten.

I didn't know when I began that it would take months to uncover all the gluten I was consuming. I didn't know the exhaustion would take so very long to fade. I was certainly unprepared for the withdrawal and the force at which it hit - especially since I was already on a very low gluten diet. (My husband was amazingly supportive through this very rough phase).

It took months of being rigidly watchful, suspicious of all foods, ignoring the naysayers who told me "it wasn't worth it" or "that it must be something else or you would feel better by now" or "why was I sick again?" It meant giving up the convenience of take-out, the enjoyment of dining out, bringing my own food everywhere or sometimes just being hungry. It meant staying positive, getting scoped in case the situation had gotten more serious, and believing that if it took a lifetime to get this bad, that it would take time to heal.

I did it because I believed it was the answer. And it was.

http://eringopaint.etsy.com/

Erin Go Paint Etsy Store